Does Your Child Have An Imaginary Friend

One evening last fall, my daughter Clara told me about a great new friend she'd made, a girl with a pet turtle. "What's her name?" I asked excitedly. "Klackla," she replied.

I wasn't fazed. Clara was 3; potatoes were "popaytoes," and Puff the Magic Dragon "froggled" in the autumn mist. I decided to meet "Klackla" myself and learn how to pronounce her name. But the next day, as class let out, Clara waved to no one. "What color is Klackla's hair?" I asked, scanning the crowd.

"Green," she said. "Her mom's hair is pink!" So much for a playdate.

I was amused to learn that my daughter had an imaginary buddy, but I was also a tiny bit anxious. What would make a seemingly happy child, especially one surrounded by lots of living, breathing peers, cook up a phony friend?

I decided to get the facts, and now I'm no longer fretting. Turns out, pretend pals are common. And far from being worrisome, they signify a healthy mind. They're even an indicator that your kid might become popular! Skeptical? Keep reading.

Abstract Artists

Why does a preschooler invent a sidekick? At this age, his cognitive abilities are developing lightning fast. Not long ago, his brain could barely make sense of his environment, but now, "he's capable of abstract thought and can create make-believe worlds," explains Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of Parenting an Only Child: The Joys & Challenges of Raising Your One & Only.

Your little one may talk about a monster under his bed and also chat with invisible pals, as Charity Hand, of Hickory, North Carolina, knows. "My 3-year-old, Thomson, has a group of imaginary friends he calls 'the guys.' He asks them questions, then answers for them," she says. (At least "the guys" are guys. Some kids consort with ghosts or giants -- even cows!) Boys especially, whose imaginary friends are often heroes, may channel the pals and speak for them, as Thomson does.

At such moments your child may seem lost in fantasy, but actually, "make-believe pals are a way of exploring reality," says Marjorie Taylor, Ph.D., head of psychology at the University of Oregon, in Eugene, and author of Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them. "They help kids work through dilemmas. Your child can pretend the friend doesn't want to play, or that he disagrees with him about something, and formulate a reaction."

There's another payoff -- a major power trip. Think about your preschooler's life: All day long, it's "Sweetie, don't touch that" and "Eat just one bite!" He's constantly taking directions from big people. By contrast, "your child's friend is under his control. It's a rare chance to give orders," Dr. Newman says. Small wonder that 40 percent of all kids have made up a sidekick by age 7. After that, many children outgrow their "pal," or at least stop speaking about him openly.

Social Security Benefits

Contrary to what you might think, it's not just lonely, isolated kids who invent companions. While only children and firstborns with far-younger siblings are somewhat likelier to do it, "even kids from large families have them," Dr. Taylor says. "It may be a way to have something that's unique to them."

Nor are children with imaginary friends destined to be loners. Quite the opposite: "Typically, they like to socialize, so when nobody's available, they make up someone," explains Tracy Gleason, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychology at Wellesley College, in Massachusetts.

In fact, make-believe buddies are associated with positive personality traits, Dr. Taylor says. She's found that kids who have them display a better ability than their peers to see things from another person's perspective. Other studies show that these kids also have higher language scores, play well with other children, and ultimately have more friends.

Should You Play Along?

Feel free to acknowledge a pretend pal. "It encourages your child's imagination," Dr. Taylor explains. Your preschooler won't fall out of touch with reality, Dr. Gleason assures. "Actually, when you ask questions about the friend and let your child answer, you reinforce that her pal is under her control," she says.

That doesn't mean you have to make a short-order spaghetti dinner for a blue raccoon that won't eat chicken -- or let your child blame a broken vase on a clumsy alien. "Kids know that their friend is pretend," Dr. Taylor says. So go ahead and keep it real when you need to. Otherwise, enjoy the magic and its many benefits.

All content here, including advice from doctors and other health professionals, should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.